Monday, April 20, 2009

Vegas II: Bar Talk (Now with Hookers!)

Buddy #1 and I rolled from the Imperial Palace to the Wynn at about 3:30 AM Sunday morning. That Buddy #1 had to catch a flight about seven hours later wasn't much of a consideration for either of us.

He was focused on the craps, and I was focused on adventure.

Well, I don't know if my eyes were focused on it on account of the booze I'd consumed. I believe that I was still walking straight, but I was exhausted and my voice was shot from the concert the night before and karaoke earlier in the night, and my hair was spiked beyond reason.

A perfect recipe for adventure.

After watching B#1 play craps for about two minutes, my wanderlust kicked in and I started off in another direction. I had nowhere, in particular, to go. I had exchanged txts with some key members of the crew and knew that someone, at some point, would show up to help entertain me, but in the meantime I would have to make my own fun.

Of course, in Vegas, you have to avoid fun or else fun will hit you in the face and give you a bloody lip. It'll be fun blood, of course, but it will still hit you if you're not careful.

"Making it rain" is a term that I was familiar with. In spite of (a) being about as white as a man can be, and (b) not having spent a dollar in a strip club in over a decade, I know that "making it rain" is when a person has a stack of paper currency and pushes/peels off the bills rapidly to make the bills rain down... on a stripper, I guess. At least that's my working definition of the phrase. I had heard about it, I'd seen video of it (sans stripper part, of course... I don't think there are actually video clips of nudity on the Interwebz). But it's been rare that I've seen people do it in person... even as a joke.

Of course, I was in Vegas, so when I saw attractive women standing at a bar throwing money around (literally, in this case) I ought not have been surprised.

As far as rainstorms go, it wasn't much. It was a $20 and a $5 and maybe four or five ones... but it was funny and it was enough to get me to get within speaking distance of the chicks at the bar.

Which was close enough for one of them to call me "Edward". Like Edward Cullen, from Twilight. I suppose it was the spiky hair.

Setting aside how notoriously androgynous the character of Edward Cullen (as played by Robert Pattinson in the movie) is, that's a pretty good opening for me. My name is, after all, Edward. And I am, after all, from Washington state. I'm no vampire, but I suck in many ways, too. Although I didn't really mention that last bit.

I spoke to a couple of the ladies and it turned out that there was a group of five or six of them in from Monterrey, Mexico. As I've mentioned, they were very attractive... and, in a shocking turn of events they were not only good-looking but also lots of fun and actually nice.

Later I commented to Thor that I was shocked they weren't being swarmed by guys, given those factors. He pointed out that, even in Vegas, 4:00 AM tends to cut down the dudeswarming potential. Excellent point.

So the first girl I spoke to, we'll call her Diamonds, gave me some basic info on her group before introducing me to the woman sitting next to her, claiming it was the woman's birthday.

The woman sitting next to her was CLEARLY not in her group. In fact, it was rather clear what she was, but I engaged her in conversation anyway. Because it's Vegas.

Her: Hey! We have the same phone.
Me: Yep.
Her: Come closer.
Me: (Shuffling a step or two to my right) She said it was your birthday?
Her: What's your name?
Me: Ed. Yours?
Her: (Reaching her hand up towards my chest) CC. CC with the natural double-D's.
Me: I see.
Her: (Fondling my left nipple through my shirt) What are you doing?
Me: Now? Or in Vegas? Or in terms of general life matters?
Her: Now. Tonight.
Me: Oh. Uh. Hanging out. My buddy (pointing to my left, at which time she shifted to my right nipple) is playing craps. I'm talking to these lovely ladies from Mexico.
Her: (Dirty look at the girls)
Her Friend: (Sitting to CC's right) Hey! Don't be hitting on my girl!
Me: Um. OK. Who are you?
HF: Cookie. That's my girl, right there.
Me: I see.
Her: So... you want to hang out?
Me: Um. Like, now?
Her: Now. Later. Whenever. Now.
Me: I just have to ask... this going to be a business transaction?
Her: Yes.
Me: Sorry. No, thanks.
And I pivoted right back to Diamonds and the girls and left CC and Cookie alone. At least for a little bit.

At some point shortly thereafter, Patron showed up. Like her friends, she was pretty and having a lot of fun. She was more hyper than her friends, though, and earned her codename by repeatedly shouting "Ryan! Ryyyyyyan! Patron and ice!" at the bartender, who was named Ryan. She actually called him Raymond and Ray at various points, but she was able to remember "Ryan" most of the time.

More on her later, though. Actually, Patron will be starring in the third of the Vegas Trilogy blogs.

Around 4:15 or so the cavalry arrived. Flowers, Silver Hammer, Thor, TM2000. I was happy to see them, and Thor, in particular, was rapidly integrated into the Monterrey chick mix. Diamonds, like so many non-visually impaired women before her, was intrigued by him and they ended up talking for about eight hours straight. (Exaggeration? Or truth? Not my story to tell...)

In the mean time, CC and Cookie were chilling at the bar... and I think it was only fair that TM2000 got to meet them.

As Thor was holding down the Mexico front, I walked over to the other guys to see how their post-karaoke night had gone. They'd hit up a club and wandered a bit. They were in a good mood and so I told TM2000 that I wanted to introduce him to someone.

Now, TM2000 is not single. He's happy with his gf, but no straight man would not be interested in meeting attractive chicks that his buddy was just chatting up. So when I told him I wanted to introduce him, he was naturally interested.

Of course, I led him right past the girls, around the bar to ... CC. I told her that I wanted to introduce her to a friend of mine. I then walked back to the group of guys and watched.

I couldn't hear the conversation, but TM2000 knew I'd got him. He is a respectful guy, in his own way, and there's something odd about speaking to someone you have so little in common with. The conversation was brief and the only part I know of was this:
CC: You like to have a good time?
TM2000: No. Never.
I might have gone for the "Not with you" line, but I also might have ended up stabbed, so his dry sarcasm was probably a wiser rejoinder. I know that, even at the time, I thought I was being a bit stupid in laughing at her and cracking jokes about 20 feet away from her that she MIGHT have been able to hear.

Oh, well. I'm sure she's heard worse and if someone's going to stab me over that, they're going to have to get in line.

After TM2000 returned, I reveled in my good-natured jest-making with him and walked back over to Thor and Diamonds and Patron and the rest of the group.

~~ And thus ends part II of the Vegas Trilogy

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